For my mother

I hope i'm just in time i pray ,

To get a gift for mother's day,

I thought i'd make it up to you, im not home you see,

I have exams due.

I want to gift the sky and stars,

But that' s not sold in Madura's,

To send you all that my heart has,

(Sigh) But that's not stocked in IBS.

Perhaps something from Central Square,

To show the world how much i care,

Perhaps something from Queensbay,

Would suit this very special day.

But nothings seems to fit just right,

A brand new shiny stove? Not quite,

I puzzled wondering what to do,

The perfect gift to give to you.

And then it dawned on me, you see,

My gift to you shall always be,

To grow up like you'd want me to,

Brave, strong, honest, true.

With humble hands that seek the Lord,

A prayerful man that walks with God,

My gift to you shall always be,

Your legacy that dwells in me.

Who I am hates who I've been...

I was having a conversation an hour ago that made me think and want to blog. Who I am hates who I have been. The naive little boy I used to be. The sad things I used to say and do. The careless things I let slip. The freinds i made and lost. I wish I could take it all back. A friend of mine keeps re-iterating that I've changed. And then refuses to enlighten me as to wether its for the better or worse.

I hear the reverberating footsteps of my current self trekking through my memories. My past flashing like HD TV's in a electronic shop with one show on. The Jeremy Show. And it's all re-runs.

I'll admit I'd done some really stupid things 7 years ago. Like joining the School English club to meet english speaking chciks from other schools. (In retrospect, that was both a good and bad decision) (Heh) But that's just the surface. I wonder what happened to all my buddies back them. Some are here, some are there, some living well, some have passed on to God's grace. My brothers.


I am angered. At myself mostly for not keeping in touch. If only I had said more. Maybe less. Sigh. But I can't change that, none of us can.

Have you had one of those days? When your alone and your thoughts drift to the what-could-have-beens? The If-only's and the I-shoudn't-haves? These situations that we ironically produce in the present for future retrospect, even whilst reflecting on the same ones we conjured years ago?


I'm going to wish i could 'tampar' my curent self 20 years from now. I guess i haven't changed much

But perhaps, ah perhaps, it was those same situations that molded who I am today. I will spend a good 3 hours tonight wondering what I would be if I were any different. Care to join me in the proverbial sunset of your past?


Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. -The Wonder Years-

Toes part 2...

From the previous post I realised there is much to rant about my odd feet..

For starters my shoe size is a healthy eleven thanks to my GIGANTOUR TOE! Yup ladies and gentleman gather round at the marvels of a toe that makes your shoe one size bigger!

My housemate was exclaiming that generally the second toe would be longer or of equal length to the first but NOOO i had to be the special one with the extra large toe. (No its not to overcompensate for anything)


Exhibit A

Also,if there are any aspiring doctors reading this (or well informed would-be dentists) i have a blood clot under my nail that keeps bleeding and i fear will cause my toe to be gangrenous,therefore rendering my toe a viable candidate for amputation.
Which woudn't be such a bad idea seeing as it would keep me down a shoe-size.Wait, that's on only one foot. Fug.

Exhibit B

And marvel number three. My foot has NO ARCH whatsoever!I suffer from flat feet(also called pes planus or fallen arches). As i have pointed out (and have been victimised for) my foot has no arch. This would be my excuse as to why i suck at football (How can you excel at something that has foot in the name when yours are deformed). Apparently flat feet is a disability (Yay i get parking spots) and is one of the few reasons to be exempted from the military (JOY!) so yeah I'm not saying it doesn't have perks.

"Studies analyzing the correlation between flat feet and physical injury in soldiers have been inconclusive. A recent study of Royal Australian Air Force recruits that tracked the recruits over the course of their basic training found that neither flat feet or high arched feet had any impact on physical functioning, injury rates or foot health. If anything, there was a tendency for those with flat feet to have fewer injuries."

SWT!WTF-lah..

So yeah I'm cacat. But owh well these are the feet that i was born with and although it gives me as much prowess in football as a worm, leaves my legs aching after a measly 2 hours of walking around trailing women on a shopping spree, or might cause me to have rheumatic arthiritis at an older age. Well i woudn't have it any other way.

Flatties unite!!! (Legs only)


Exhibit C

Wait so that explains the feet fetish...

Toes...

If toes were an extension of fingers,

Then weddings would be costly (I hear toe rings cost more),

Kids would have more to use to count (screw the bloody abacus),

"Main kaki" woudn't be such a disturbing thing (especially when observed sneakily under AIMST cafe tables),

but hell,they're just another form of useless bodily appendages that sets us apart in this myraid world or conformity.

Just ask those of us with toes shaped like baby fingers (morbid) or whose toes are the same length as my fingers (not so morbid).

Why the sudden fascination with toes? I have an internally bleeding toe with collected blood under the nail that i pray does not go gangrenous...GAH!





Sorry for the horrendously sappy video..That's the only one they had of this song..

EDIT:Gees I'm gagging at the pictures in the vid..please just close your eyes if you will..the songs good i swear..no offense mi amour..

Mistakes...

I'm caged in indifferent bars,
Clutching perpetual scars,
Trying to avoid mistakes,
While passing these speeding cars.

The bridge is not to far away,
But will I make the leap?
I've made so many mistakes before,
It haunts my halted sleep.

I sat at crossroads long before,
An image I've always abhorred,
The roads that I have taken,
Have only sown discord.

I've only given tears,
Fuelled her every fears,
Spent my life a-wasting,
My mirror filled with smears.

So at the bridge I'll hesitate,
But I will crash at the bend,
And as i fall straight down below,
Then my mistakes will end.

-To those of us who have always made the wrong choices;hurt the people that we love-

Regards,
Jeremy Ryan De Silva

How juvenile are you?

I was randonmly having a thought yesterday. Most of us have the most juvenile of email addresses. Examples? oreolover@,juicyducks_tasty@,tricky_boogie@, and the kicker my own mercybringer@ (gees i was at a really holy point in my life,give a guy a break)(Shut up boys i was holy,i was a altar server for pete's sake!) (EDIT:AM not WAS)

so yeah..

Then i got to thinking. How did i end up with an email add like that and i realised just how much i've missed from when i was a kid. Well not exactly a kid it was probably around form 2. And i realise ghow thankful i really am for having an email add that has the magical power of digging up my past. I mean I've grown. We all. But it's nice being reminded of times when people were less matured (some still are,you know who you are,don't deny it,liar)or perhaps when you were.

Pretty soon were all going to make a new more (gah) professional email add. I already have mine. Beacuse god-forbid 30 years from now you go

You:Yes Mr. Gates I'll have my people contact your people via tele conference next thursday GMT. Owh my email add? penis_wilder@gmail.com..............

HELLO?

HELLO?
MR GATES??

SO yeah. But it's a nice reminder. So if you have a goofy MSN email add. Wear it loud and wear it proud =) Have a great weekend..

Owh song of the week?

Augustana - Sunday Best http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rz5F0SARWyo

(I have a poem swimming in my head about juvenile addresses that probably will be up soon)(I blame it on pre-finals stress,gah tons of microbio left to do and all i can think of are witty email address's please O' body of mine do not self combust in horror....haaaaah)

I owe myself seven years of pain..

I owe myself,

Sixty years of sorrow,
Seven years of pain,
Twenty years to loathe myself,
The shame that is my name.

A year for all the times I wasn't by my sisters side,
A year for never being there,
For things she tried to hide.

A year for all the things i said that hurt my mothers heart,
The guilt of which will stain my face,
And tear my soul apart.

A year for all the friends I've lost,
Their faces now a ghost,
Who stood by me when I fell down,
When I needed them the most.

A year for every tear I've shed,
A wasted piece of art,
I never had the strengh inside,
To stop them from the start.

And ten more years of sorrow,
For the times I failed myself,
I let some people walk away,
That never should have left.

I stopped what I had started,
Broke down and left the road,
Gave up on things I shoudn't have,
Left people in the cold.

Was selfish with my words,
Was taken up by pride,
Yet let my insecurities,
Claw out from deep inside.

Hung on to self pity,
Walked blindly in my bluff,
I owe myself seven years of pain,
But still that's not enough.

Katy Perry...JIMP

I'm posting because i cant get the Katy Perry website. There's too much traffic. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!No I'm not joining her fan club if thats what your thinking.Heh.The new vid is out and I'm not checkin it out for the bloody song(Though it's good).But HELL she's hotter than AIMST in the month of July.(Or any other month that isn't raining for that matter).

Well after careful observation, most of the girls i know can't live a day without ranting about one hot guy after the next.Ranging from that guy in Slumdog to that guy in Infernal Affairs to that guy from some bloody Korean Drama. Hence,the quest to see if it works for guys.

So yea Katy Perry drool drool gurgle gurgle. Doesn't seem as much fun for us does it? Hmm another gender-bender issue perhaps?Or maybe we cant be obsessed about one women long enough before moving on to the next?Sorry boys but you know it's true,there was Lilly Allen and then poof Katy Perry shows up HELLO DOLL!!

Apparently celebrity obsession doesn't work so well for men? I mean there are some who obsess over 'em.Perez Hilton is one of em,but uh yea thats on a different page of men altogether.Or maybe it's just me? I need to do my homework.Dude's up for a survey? :)



Boy's her face is up there.I know,i know.Me too.